


Memoirs of Grief

by river_soul



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-30
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-27 14:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1713434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/river_soul/pseuds/river_soul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Contains major spoilers for the episode "Sunday".</p>
    </blockquote>





	Memoirs of Grief

**Author's Note:**

> Contains major spoilers for the episode "Sunday".

Elizabeth’s surprised when he comes to see her. They’ve been through worse together but she’d seen the hand John rested on his shoulder after the funeral, the way Rodney leaned into the touch. Ronon and Teyla stayed close too, they were his team, his family but they were soldiers.

Rodney isn't crying, but his eyes are red rimmed. He won’t look her in the face when she lets him inside her hotel room. Behind him the light is fading, the beauty and greenness of Scotland disappearing with the setting sun. Elizabeth remembers pictures Carson showed her, how proud he’d been of his ailing mother’s vegetable garden and the house his grandfather built. It was smaller in person, weather worn stones damp and wet beneath her touch but Agnes Beckett’s hands had been warm and soft in her own. She’d smelt like Carson too.

“Rodney,” Elizabeth says.

“I-um,” he starts and blinks hard, trying to keep the tears from falling when she sits down beside him on the dusty comforter. She takes his hands in hers, squeezes once but doesn't say anything.

“I keep waking up remembering he's dead,” Rodney tells her, voice softer then she can ever recall. She wishes he would yell, scream in agony, anything but this quiet acceptance that is so unlike him. “I can’t fix this,” he tells her and his hands shake, body trembles beside her. Elizabeth feels so helpless. “John just soldiers on.” He doesn’t sound bitter but he bites off a laugh at his choice of words. “I always save the day. I fix things,” he repeats to her vainly. “I fix things.”

“You do,” she says and her voice sounds so strange. Words have never failed her before.

“He shouldn’t have-”

“No he shouldn’t have,” Elizabeth agrees, “but he did. He died saving someone. Don’t take that away from him.”

“He was my best friend,” Rodney says finally. “I never told him that.”

“He knew,” Elizabeth assures him, curls her hand around the back of his neck. She wishes there was something more to say but the only thing she can offer is her silent support and understanding hands.

Elizabeth wants to tell him Carson would be proud but she thinks he knows that too, deep inside somewhere.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Also, new [tumblr](http://river-soul.tumblr.com/) friends are always welcome!


End file.
